2015 – Whatever.

I have had enough of days such as these. The past two months have proven to be an incredibly difficult time for an emotionally closed heart, opened by the whisper of a wonderful woman who has now become distant and uninterested. I am disappointed in myself for a variety of reasons, most of which lie in the way my heart and soul seem to latch on to a possibility or a dream and doesn’t let go. I am barely in the wings of her friendship let alone appear on her radar as someone she can have a relationship with.

I do not like me. I do not like where I am. I do not like where my heart lives. I do not like how my soul latches onto another. I am frustrated beyond explanation that I can not just let things be as they are. I do not like living with this anxious humbleness and the humility that comes with trying desperately to explain an action or words to her, that she might understand, not that she cares; for she does not ask. She asks nothing. No questions, no curiosities, no wondering.

Yet, through the short time we’ve known each other and the experiences we’ve been through, both good and bad, I have come to understand that she may struggle with some of the things I’ve described in myself. And so I hang on a little more. I ask certain questions, make comments, and ask for time with her, all in the hopes that we may learn more about each other in a way that feels real and sincere, which is what I hope her intention was from the very beginning.

Rationalizing?
Probably.

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